November 25th, 2003

journal

im scared

for the first time in my life i feel regret and pain i haven't felt since alonzo.....well kiddies i broke up with joe....well it wasn't easy and right now i just want to vomit....i don't want to be in school today. i just want to go home!..megs call me and tell me every thing is gonna be ok...please.....i had so much fun with you and it had to end like that..at eleven o'clock last night! megs never leave me....i need you now...and if anything happens to us...i won't have anyone to catch me when i fall........i wanna die right now...but this i what i need...i don't want a relationship with anyone right now....i just want to be a normal teenager! i wanna be angel......i wanna be fucking me!!!!!

~ i don't want to cry anymore
angel..................i need someone to hold me..........
  • Current Music
    hello/ evanescence
journal

Lying from you

when i pretended
everything is what i want it to be
i look exactly like what you had always
wanted to see
when i pretend
i can forget about the criminal i am
stealing second after second just 'cause
i know i can/ but
i can't pretend this way
i will stay/ im just
trying to bend the truth
i can't pretend im who you want me to be
so im

lying my way from you

(no/no turning back now)
i wanna be pushed aside
so let me go
[no/no turning back now]
the very worst part of you
is me

i remember what they taught me
remember condescending talk
of who ought to be
remember listening to all that
once again
so i pretended up a person who was fitting in
and now you think this person
really is me and im
[tring to bend the truth]
but the more i push
the more im pulling away
'cause i'm

lying my way from you

this isn't what i wanted to be
i never thought that what i said
would have you running from me
like this

the very worst part of you
the very worst part of you
is me........
  • Current Music
    lying from you/ linkin park
journal

hello

playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you shes not breathing?
hello im your mind giving you
someone to talk to
hello

if i smile and don't belive
soon i know ill wake from this dream
don't try to fix me im not broken
hello im the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry

suddenly i know im not sleeping
hello im still here
all thats left of yesterday
  • Current Music
    hello/ evanescence